The Randomness of Link
by themooseliveagain
Summary: Its about what happens when random stuff happens to Link(nothing bads or ick). First fic-plz r&r! Later chapters may contain crossovers.
1. The Beginning

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything except the randomness of the story plot (if you can even call it a plot).**

**Extremely Hugely Inspired by The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the book and movie)and other various things.**

**WARNING: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE RANDOMNESS, OR ANYTHING SILLY AND WEIRD, TURN BACK NOW FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!**

**The Beginning**

Once upon a time, in a place far away from here, there lived a person. This person was rumored to have the most spectacular collection of coffee mugs that ever existed. One day, all the coffee mugs were stolen by aliens. This, in turn, triggered a series of unfortunate events (get it?) that led to the creation of a place called Hyrule.

In this place, because it was created by a series of unfortunate events triggered by the alien stealing of the most spectacular collection of coffee mugs that ever existed, had many really _weird_ things happen to it. Unfortunately for you, you will not be hearing of the weird things that happened to Hyrule, but instead, the weird things that happened to a boy who _lived_ in Hyrule.

This boy's name was Link. He was an interesting boy, with blond hair and blue eyes, always dressed in a green tunic with a matching cap. He was the type that would just…well, stay silent most of the time, answering questions with nods of the head, or, when attacking, crying out a crazy battle cry **"HYAAAAAAAH!"**. This boy was unfortunate indeed, for everywhere he turned, something utterly random and usually destructive would pop out of nowhere. We shall start in the middle of a day. Not just any day, however. The day that marks the 13th year of this boy's life, who happened to be born on the 13th year after Hyrule was created on the 13th month (Hylian calendar) on the 13th day at the 13th hour at 1 minutes and 3 seconds. This, surprisingly enough, was the day that the Hylians began to start keeping track of time, so the year would be 0.

Link slowly looked at his lunch, which consisted of fruit and fruit. Something was strange about this fruit. He thought it was an apple…but since when were apples bright pink? It wasn't pink a few seconds ago. It suddenly turned pink right before he was about to eat it. Link slowly lifted his sword to cut it in half. As he prepared to cut the strange pink apple, something of the utmost peculiarity happened: The pink apple said "Don't eat me!"

Link stopped in puzzled amazement. 'A talking apple?' he thought, 'Since when do apples talk?' The apple then grew legs and jumped off the table, and ran towards the water saying "Don't eat me!" Link ran after it, only to be stopped by, of all people, Mido.

"What the heck are you doing, Link?" Mido asked.

"I'm cha-" Link stopped mid sentence for two reasons. First, he knew how ridiculous it sounded to say "I'm chasing after a self-aware pink apple." The second reason was because a rip in the space-time continuum opened right in front of the little pink apple, and as the apple didn't have enough time to turn, it was sucked into the orange (yes, orange) oblivion of the hole. A few seconds later, though, it disappeared.

"Just eat your lunch," Mido said, while turning to where the apple was sucked into the rip.

"No, wai-" Link stopped himself. The right thing to do was to try to steer Mido away from where the apple disappeared, in fear that another rip could appear. 'But,' Link thought, 'it could be fun to watch Mido be sucked into the oblivion of a, whatever it is.' So Link watched in excitement as Mido walked passed the spot where the apple disappeared and…nothing happened. He turned to go back to his lunch, but he heard someone calling.

"Dinosaur!" he heard faintly.

"Dinosaur!" he heard again, this time louder. 'What's a dinosaur?' Link thought.

"DINOSAUR!" He heard for the last time, for a humongous beast was heading straight at them! It had huge legs and short stubby arms, and gigantic teeth that looked like they were used to rip its prey to shreds. The last thing Link remembered was everyone running around in fear, because falling from the sky, a gamecube hit him on the head.

So? How was it? Please r&r-its my first fanfic. And please-no bashing! Constructive criticism is great, but "YOU SUCK AND YOU SHOULD DIE IN A BLACK HOLE AND NEVER WRITE AGAIN!" or "YOU ARE THE **WORST** WRITER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! DON'T EVEN _THINK_ OF WRITING A FOLLOWUP BECAUSE THIS **STANK LIKE A –"**(you get the idea) are not the most encouraging messages.


	2. Dinosaur

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything except the randomness of the story plot (if you can even call it a plot).**

**Extremely Hugely Inspired by The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the book and movie)and other various things.**

**WARNING: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE RANDOMNESS, OR ANYTHING SILLY AND WEIRD, TURN BACK NOW FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!**

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**Dinosaur**

Link woke up with a large headache. He looked around, to find everyone gone. No one was there. Not even a fairy. Even the grass was gone…'What?' Link thought. 'Since when does grass disappear? Along with houses, trees, and everything else?' Then Link realized something. They didn't disappear. They turned to dust. A lot of dust. In fact, it was so much dust that it looked like everything was burned. To a crisp. By a creature (there were large, abnormal footprints).

Then Link remembered the…what was it? Dinosaur. 'Oh, no!' Link thought. 'I know my life is filled with random things that are usually destructive, but nothing this massive has ever happened before!' While Link was mourning the loss of his friends, a cockroach walked by. Link stood up, sobbing, and decided to see what left of his house. He turned to look around, and saw a huge creature in the middle of the dust. Come to think of it, it looked strangely similar to the creature Link saw before he hit his head on a cube…

'THE DINOSAUR!' Link thought. He immediately took out his sword and slashed it right at the dinosaur. To no avail, I might add, because at that moment, a meteor shower began falling from the sky. A meteor happened to hit Link's sword straight out of his hand and it landed right in the head of the dinosaur. 'I guess I don't have to fight it anymore…' Link thought.

Suddenly, and against all explanations, a man appeared. This man was carrying a very nice mug. In fact, it was the nicest mug Link had ever seen. This isn't saying too much, though, since it was the only non-wood mug Link has ever seen. But it was still a really nice mug.

"Ah! This place is so dusty!" the man said. "I guess I'll just have to use my zero-point-energy powered vacuum." Just then, he pulled out an enormous vacuum and turned it on. This really scared Link, since he has never seen modern technology. Heck, he hasn't seen _any_ technology, other than that of the middle ages. After all, he only lived in a forest.

In a matter of seconds, all the dust in the room was sucked into a little bag. The man then pulled out a shelf, from his pocket, of course, and nailed it into the wall that just appeared three seconds ago. Then another wall appeared. And another. And to prevent me from saying all this over and over, an entire house appeared, with this being the kitchen. Link was obviously shocked beyond imagination, and decided to ask what was going on.

"Um, excuse me, but what the heck is going on!" Link was ignored by the man. He attempted communication again. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" This managed a reaction from the man. He turned, stepping on the cockroach (But since cockroaches never die, this one didn't die.)

"Why, hello. Why are you in my house? Are you here to steal my fantastic collection of mugs? Why are you in those clothes? This isn't the middle ages, you know! You must be what they call an insane person! Ooh, I know, I'll take you to a hospi-" The man never got to finish his sentence. Not because he died, no, but because Link was freaked out beyond reason and he bombed the wall and ran out.

This being said, Link ran on for three miles before he was suddenly in the Kokori Forest again. He turned and saw, of all people, himself. He was eating an apple, or was about to, when it turned pink. 'Strange…,' Link thought, 'didn't that just happen?' The little pink apple ran off to a rip in the space-time continuum, but Link (the one that just appeared, not the one eating the apple.) decided to run after it. He jumped through the orange oblivion and landed on his head.

"WHO HAS JUMPED THROUGH MY FLISHNOG?" a loud booming voice echoed.

"Flighnog? Uh, what is a flishnog?" Link asked, scared to answer before he knew what a flishnog was.

"A FLISHNOG IS…Is…is…well, to tell you the truth, I don't know. My name's Bob. What's yours?" A young man armed with toothpicks came out while this was being said.

"L-L-Link…" Link stuttered.

"Hi, Link. I am the emperor of this realm…ISHTAZJUI!"

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So How was it? Please r&r-its my first fanfic. And please-no bashing! Constructive criticism is great, but "YOU SUCK AND YOU SHOULD DIE IN A BLACK HOLE AND NEVER WRITE AGAIN!" or "YOU ARE THE **WORST** WRITER IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! DON'T EVEN _THINK_ OF WRITING A FOLLOWUP BECAUSE THIS **STANK LIKE A –"**(you get the idea) are not the most encouraging messages.


	3. No Title for Obvious Reasons

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything except the randomness of the story plot (if you can even call it a plot).**

**Extremely Hugely Inspired by The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the book and movie)and other various things.**

**WARNING: IF YOU DO NOT LIKE RANDOMNESS, OR ANYTHING SILLY AND WEIRD, TURN BACK NOW FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY!**

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Ishtazjui**

Link, obviously still shocked, just looked at man with toothpicks. Bob, as he called himself, seemed like he had a very large ego. This didn't frighten Link. Mostly because people with very large egos tend not to be as great as they say they are.

"Welcome to my humble abode. Or house. Or dwelling. Or whatever you want to call it. I actually call it my schl'nyt. But you wouldn't know what that means, so just call it my home," Bob said.

"Ishtazjui is a place I created from my imagination. It contains…well, anything you can think of. Watch this: I'm thinking of a purple gamecube that falls from the sky." As Bob said would happen, a purple gamecube fell from the sky. This one, though, had a dent in it. A dent that was made from hitting someone on the head. This gamecube, if you haven't already figured it out, is the same one that knocked Link out.

Link, obviously, noticed immediately. Fearing that this 'Bob' could kill him with more frightening and evil object than this 'purple gamecube', he reached for his sword and held it out in a threatening manner.

"Who are you?" Link demanded.

"Well, right now you can call me a…Wizard." And with that, Bob transformed into a wizard and uttered a spell that sent Link back to Hyrule Castle, where he has never set foot.

By now, Link has grown used to the constant flashing about in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, flashing about is different that being demolecularized and then remolecularized from a human into a rabbit, _while_ flashing about into a different place.

Rabbit Link looked around and realized all his stuff had transformed with him-his clothes were on him, his sword was in his scabbard, which was on his back, and his shield was also on his back. But he also noticed that he was a very large rabbit. (In this case, as large as several buildings(Several as in a few(Few as in 13(of course)))).

Link, still being a kid and all, decided that he was going to wreak terror on the innocent citizens of Hyrule. Then he realized he would be shot with arrows and killed, so he refrained from doing that. Instead, he ran up Death Mountain to the Great Fairy.

"Oh great


End file.
